The Start to a Summer of Confronting Ignorance

As I mentioned at institute, I'm getting married the day after our last session together. Before two weeks ago, I thought that would be my single transformation this summer--but it turns out this will prove to be a summer of a lot of changes. I found out a couple of weeks ago that I will be transitioning back into the English classroom at a new school. This change was of course my own doing, but I think that it is really starting to hit me how much of a change I'm making...a bittersweet emotion has taken over my mind these last few days as a result.

I could not be more thankful that this is the summer of my Institute experience. I studied English Ed as an undergrad and am almost done with my MA in English Lit, but I still feel so overwhelmed to realize that I am leaving a subject that I have become very comfortable with. I spent this last year creating content for two classes that I felt really good about--to realize at then end that I won't be teaching those classes again. These were two high level classes that I took as a senior in high school and they were two classes I loved (both as a student and a teacher). I will probably never have the opportunity to teach those two IB classes again, a feeling of regret sometimes forms at the pit of my stomach.  It has also hit me that I am starting all over again...sure I know what to expect in terms of paperwork and politics they don't teach you about in school, but I'm starting all over in terms of curriculum. This realization is the source my excitement and disappointment. I'm excited to go to a content I love, but disappointed to leave content that I dedicated so much time too. I also realize I'm going to need help, as I'm not sure what to expect for these new English classes (AP English III).

As part of this program, I told my fiancé that I would have to start a blog (he's really tech savvy so I knew he would have some ideas about how to do it). Rather than giving me any tech advise, his only suggestion was that I should blog daily that way I could really grow from the process. I believe him, but I have been very anxious to start. I write everyday, but those are documents with a purpose. They are lesson plans and assignments, handouts and instructions...not musings of my own reading and thinking. That's why it has taken me this long to write this first post. This represents a new start.

While I will still be working over the summer to create all of those technical documents, I realize this process of reflecting through blogging will help me grow, though I may not like what is always before me on the screen. I am reminded of the quote from Huck Finn:

“Well, Ben Rogers, if I was as ignorant as you I wouldn't let on.” 

This process of blogging may show my own ignorance, to me and everyone else...but the process is necessary. I remember my students complaining that they weren't ready to turn in a paper..."Ms. Summers, it isn't ready! Don't look at it!!" I would get so frustrated with this, number 1-I'm going to read it anyway and 2. I was always sure it wasn't that bad. It has dawned on me that when I read their papers, they were broadcasting their thoughts and musings too, just as I am now. The publication and sharing of writing is the sharing of one's inner thoughts, whether it be on how the day went or what one's thoughts on Stalin's dictatorship are; no matter the case, we never want to show our ignorance. 

When I got home from the orientation session for our Summer Institute, I was so pumped. I am ready to be surrounded by writing teachers from all different levels. I so stoked to hear your fantastic ideas about how to really integrate writing in a meaningful way for our students. I'm excited to talk about content and how that fits into writing instruction. I'm also excited about growing as an educator and writer myself. There's still so much left to learn, and I can't wait to dive in.